If this is a zomcom, kill the director.

Now we start the sliding scale of mediocre to atrocious of the 8 Films to Die For, with the Horror/Comedy “Zombies of Mass Destruction”

Title: Zombies of Mass Destruction (2009)

Tagline: They are just like you… only dead!

Rating: 3/10

Synopsis: Life is wonderful for the people in the quiet, island town of Port Gamble until a zombie virus outbreak hits.

Review: The Horror/Comedy genre is a tricky one to handle, very few films know how to exactly balance the two genres. You will either get a film that is mostly horror but has some trickles of comedy such as 2006’s Slither or is Slapstick and comedic with someone getting killed every now and then such as Dead and Breakfast. Don’t get me wrong there are some films that balance this perfectly, Evil Dead 2 and Shaun of the Dead come to mind but then there is also films where they don’t manage to fulfill either genre, Zombies of Mass Destruction is one of these films.

This movie sure is a weapon of mass destruction. Yeah it really bombs *doh hoh hoh hoh hoh*

The film follows the night of a zombie outbreak in an isolated American town, following two different groups. The Iranian Abbas family with the American Miller family and a gay couple holed up in a church with other church goers. As stated on most of the advertising for this film this is a “political zomedy” and looking at that description you know exactly what is going to be “satirized”

I'll give you three guesses.

Yes, this film is the writers way to satire the Muslim fear inbuilt into Americans these days, as well as the homophobia of the nation and it doesn’t work, it really. Does. Not. Work. Nearly all the humor the film tries to squeeze out are based on Muslim and gay jokers and by 60 minutes in, it had well worn out it’s welcome. Don’t get me wrong, done right these topics are ripe for satire, take Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo bay for example but the writing and the delivery here is close to embarrassing. Stop me if you have heard this before; an American going over the top to interrogate an innocent Muslim looking person. Very camp gay people having to awkwardly come out to their parents. Church ministers wanting to “fix” the gays with some weird Clockwork Orange inspired machine. If these scenes aren’t up your alley don’t worry the just make up fifty-five fucking minutes of this film and here lies the main problem of the film, why the zombie backdrop?

Seriously cutting out the zombies and you just have your usual assanine American comedy. My guess is that the satire is exactly what the writer wanted to do but knew that if he added zombies to the mix, he could trick horror fans to pick this movie up as well. So fuck you Kevin Hamedani fuck you and your slightly Muslim sounding last name….. well shit.

See look some of my best friends are Muslim!

Okay let’s move along to the acting. It’s bad, it’s really bad, I’m talking Megan Fox levels of  bad here. I don’t know if I am just being unfair because of the great performances of the last two films or they are just trying really hard to work with this miserable script but there is just no passion here and you can really tell in quite a few of the scenes. The one that sticks out in my mind the most is at the start of the film the Iranian girl and her date are in a car smoking a bong when a zombie bursts through his window and starts chowing down and through his screams he says in almost a deadpan voice “ohh that’s my blood” and it really stuck out to me, if he didn’t change his tone then, while stupid, it would of been okay but he is saying like “ohh that’s my CD player” and that is not the first time it happens, two maybe three other guys I can’t exactly recall now say the same blood line. What is this a fucking running gag? I have seen kids films with better written gags and that usually involves one of the characters repeatedly getting hit in the nuts!  By the films end there were no characters that I could relate to at all, not hard seeming my choices were stereotypical gay men, Iranians and racist whitey and seeming I went back in the closet years ago all these choice were out.

Ahhh my blood... look it's everywhere.... owww.... this hurts bro.

So while I have mentioned how badly the comedy fails in this film, let’s look at how the horror fares. This film did not instill any horror in me at all, no squirming from the buckets of blood, no dread that the characters were going to die, actually this film didn’t even go for the cliched jump scare and while I usually bag a film for using them, I’ll let this film have them if it means I get some horror out of this horror-less movie.

Even the gore was pretty pathetic for this film, every bite and cut pisses out blood like they cut the femoral artery and the humans seem to have the problem of being made out of plasticine. I think you get to see about 3 or 4 peoples get their arm pulled off and these aren’t the new fast super zombies that you see popping up these days, no they are the sort of slow shuffling Romero zombies but somehow they can just rip off arms and legs like they were held together with blutac and happy thoughts. As shown by the picture above one zombie manages to cleanly rip off the face of the date and it really is a clean rip, the zombie could put over it’s face and role play Silence of the Lambs if he wanted to.

God even the zombies are bad, seriously I saw better at last years zombie walk.

So you have no horror, no gore and not even comedy to save this film, oh wait actually there was one line that made me laugh and that is when the pastor is talking about how this is a rapture style apocalypse and says the following line “Have no fear friends, because we have histories greatest zombie on our side, Jesus Christ”, other then that though this Zomcom really fails to deliver. In fact if I am going to see a good Zomcom, I know exactly where to go…

Up for The Winchester?

Alrighty then the first negative review is now out of the way, although knowing the genre it won’t be the last. What did you all think? Has anyone else seen this and if so what are your thoughts?

-The Reviewing Basterd

Follow me on twitter: http://www.twitter.com/telkana

or send me an email thereviewingbasterd@hotmail.com

P.S Also I am aware that there is a comic book of the same name released by Red five, however this film is not based off the comics and surprisingly there is actually a film in the works based on these comics. I wonder if any naming issues are going to get in the way.

Oi! I said Boo mate!

As we continue on with the 8 Films To Die For 2010, we will now be having a look at supernatural thriller Lake Mungo

Title: Lake Mungo (2008)

Tagline: If you have never seen a ghost before, look closer.

Rating: 8/10

Synopsis: Sixteen-year-old Alice Palmer drowns while swimming in the local dam. When her body is recovered and a verdict of accidental death returned, her grieving family buries her. The family then experiences a series of strange and inexplicable events centered around their home. Profoundly unsettled, the Palmers seek the help of psychic and parapsychologist, Ray Kemeny. Kemeny discovers that Alice led a double life. A series of clues lead the family to Lake Mungo where Alice’s secret past emerges.

Review: I have been watching horror film for a long time, since I was about nine or ten I think. So these days I am pretty desensitized to them, sure I’ll feel some dread and suspense by watching the film but after it has ended I feel nothing, hell sometimes I put on a favorite horror movie to fall asleep too. However ghost films still manage to scare the shit out of me. I don’t know what it is exactly but the movies of this genre linger with me for a couple of nights at least. So like an adrenaline junkie always going for his next heart racing fix, I look out for ghost horror movies whenever I can, so after the film has ended I can finally feel that feeling of dread horror films used to give me. Lake Mungo managed to do a pretty good job at this.

Truely a horrific movie

Lake Mungo is shot entirely in documentary style, similar to the previous years “Paranormal Activity” or 1999’s “Blair With Project” and this works really well for the film. The film follows the Palmer family for around 2 years, documenting both the families grief of losing there 16 year-old daughter and the strange occurrences that have followed after her death.

However compared to those previous entries of the horror mockumentary genre Lake Mungo gives off a much more natural and realistic feel, something that I have found other entries fail to put across. The downplayed acting in the film I found to be really effective, compared to Paranormal activity where the cast seemed like they were well… acting rather then leaving their final log. The minimalistic filming style also adds a lot to the film as well, using a lot of still pictures and home movies with voice overs, as well as one on one interviews with the family and the community of the town rather effectively. However the thing that I enjoyed the most about this entry to the genre is that this one actually has a traditional story arc, there is a start, middle and ending to this film, compared to “Paranormal Activity” and “Blair Witch” where you are left with more questions then answers when the credit rolls. The plot for the film is also quite well written, being mostly a mystery film wrapped within a paranormal thriller it keeps you interested and entertained, slowely giving more and more details until the blanks are filled in, giving a satisfying ending to the film.

As I said before the acting on this film was done really well. The people here don’t feel as if they are actors but instead feel like they are actually being interviewed and as I said this works amazingly well to immerse you into the whole documentary feel of the film.

I felt the strongest performances of the film came from Alice’s brother Mathew (Martin Sharpe) and the Parapsychologist Ray (Steve Jordell). Like the cast off The Final these actors had only performed in television (and Australian television to boot) and I found them to be much more believable then some of the performances I have seen churned out by the big named horror films of the decade. Martin gives an emotional performance as the grieving brother, you can really tell exactly how much the death of his sister and his mother’s grieving has affected him. You have an understanding of some of his more questionable acts throughout the film and still manage to keep yourself sympathizing with him by the end of it.

Mathew Palmer (Martin Sharpe)

Steve Jordell’s performance is also spot on, he plays an almost grandfatherly role to the family, helping them through their grief. I found myself really feeling for his character and you can really tell he is someone that cares deeply for his clients, he wants to help people move on, to help people through problems and to help people understand peace in death. I also like how he is neither portrayed as a con-man who is making this up for money or a full blown psychic able to communicate with ghosts. The movie lets you make your mind up of his intentions.

Ray (Steve Jordell)

While Lake Mungo has been advertised pretty heavily as a supernatural horror film, I find that this film also really succeeds at being a Drama as well. The film follows a pretty heavy feeling of grief and not being able to let go, you get to see how a whole community deals with the death of Alice, from her school friends to even the police constable overlooking the case and it is all shown very realistically and very human. Of course the main feeling of grief is portrayed by the Palmer family and as I have said the whole family sends this across very well. One of the standout scenes for me is when Mathew is shown to take a sudden interest into photography and even starts working for a studio I believe (there was also some very good foreshadowing here)  and it then shows some of the photos that he has been taking. Everyone of these photos left me with a feeling of loneliness and isolation, defiantly something someone would feel after losing their younger sister. Both the parents also give very believable portrayals of their grief. The mother having a breakdown of sorts, being the first one to cling the idea that they are being haunted by Alice. The father however grieves in a different way, leaving everything in an inner turmoil. Throughout the film he seems like he is 2 seconds away from breaking down at any moment but seems to be pulling through to be a emotional post for his family.It was surprising to see this in the film and I think this will give the film a bit of an edge compared to your usual horror schlock.

Mathews photos.

So if you are looking for a horror movie that has a hint of drama and mystery, then I would recommend Lake Mungo. It manages to tell a good story, some great performances and also this is an Australian film, so it’s good to see we can do horror right sometimes.

However at the time or writing this article I found out that this film is getting a freaking American remake. Seriously? This is the one thing that bothers me the most with American media, why the hell can they not relate to something that isn’t American?! They have done this to Life on Mars, The Office and [Rec] and usually these versions are complete bullshit. This version could still be completely relevant to an American audience, Australian slang and culture is barely used throughout the film, if anything I believe the remake will probably ruin this story by adding to much of an Americanisation (I’m putting money down know that there will be at least 38 jump scares) because subtle horror, Americans don’t really get it.

“Alice kept secrets. She kept the fact that she kept secrets a secret.”

Anyway give me your thoughts, if you have seen the film let me know what you though; if you want to whinge about American remakes feel free to do that too. Next review coming up will be the Horror/Comedy “Zombies of Mass Destruction”.

Follow me on twitter : http://www.twitter.com/telkana

Or send me an email at ” thereviewingbasterd@hotmail.com

P.S Oh I actually spotted a bit of a goof in this film, at one point they are showing old films of Alice and she has a poster for The Beatles “Love” album which was not released till nearly a year and a half after the footage was meant to be set. You never know what you will notice when you’re a Beatles fan.